Dean Venture's Oral Exam
by Chip-Nips
Summary: Dean, being the virgin that he is, knows very little about sex. He decides to do a bit of 'hands on' research with a special little plastic toy that he has taken a shine to. Implied Dean/Triana and implied Hank/Dermott. Crack content to some extent.


Dean grasped the silver-painted piece of plastic in his hand. His sweaty palms slipped over the smooth surface as he examined it. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he peeled off the little cap that covered what was inside.

"Dean-o! Wouldja hurry up, already?" Hank rolled his eyes as he grabbed Dean by the sleeve. "Dermott said that there was gonna be free comic books today!"

Dean allowed himself to be pulled by his twin to the escalator. "B-but you know that I'm not as into comics as you, Hank. I'm much more of a 'fantasy' man, myself-" Hank cut him off.

"UGH. Then why don't you just go do something else while I go get all the awesome free crap! Dude, make up your mind. You're the one who wanted to come along."

Dean's face reddened as the two brothers exited the moving staircase.

"W-well, I figured that if you guys were going to make the trip to the mall, I m-might as well join you because…" Dean wasn't sure what to say next. "Well, the mall has all sorts of cool stuff, right? Not just comic books. " He flapped a skinny hand at a cell-phone kiosk. "Look! All those communicators have pretty plastic cases! Pop never made those things for us!"

Dean's enthusiasm over such a mundane topic was beginning to try Hank's patience. "Dude, if you don't want to hang with us, that's fine. Just…just go off and do whatever it is you do and then meet us in the food court in like, I dunno, an hour."

Dean swallowed a lump in his throat and reddened again. "Uhhh…o-okay."

Hank raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so sweaty? You got like, malaria or somethin"?

In most cases, it would seem silly to ask a sweaty teenage boy this question, but in the Venture family anything was possible.

"No!" Dean retorted and then added sheepishly. "I'm-I'm fine. Just go on without me, okay?"

Hank shrugged. "Suit yourself. See ya later, bro-of-mine!" He brushed the shaggy hair out of his eyes before rushing off to meet his special little buddy at the comic shop.

Dean descended the escalator after separating from his brother and began to wander the 'streets' of the mall.

"Ugh…where is it?" He muttered to himself. He was getting more and more nervous by the minute.

"It's gotta be around here somewhere."

Finally, Dean spotted the neon sign and the crappily painted, brick-patterned walls. He took a deep breath and entered.

There were shot glasses and baseball caps lining the shelves near the entrance, everything donning a cartoon or slogan of some sort; most of which were rather obscene in nature. Dean examined a shirt that said "Mount and Do Me" before tearing his gaze away to the task at hand. Get it together Dean. This is for research. He sheepishly slunk past the clerk, a surly looking twenty-something with a nose ring, and pushed aside a purple beaded curtain in the corner.

Behind the curtain, Dean found more-or-less the place that he was looking for. There were shelves upon shelves of the things, some were brightly-coloured, some a bit more plain. Unfortunately, those sorts of things weren't quite up his alley. He was in the market for something else. Dean rustled through the sea of dildos and vibrators, searching for his prize. What if they ran out? Nah. Impossible. These things seemed to always be in stock. YES! Jackpot.

Dean pulled back from the shelves, cradling a plastic tube in his hands. It looked almost like a flashlight but not quite. Well, it was supposed to, anyway.

"What took ya so long?" Dermott grunted as Dean trotted toward the duo. "We were standin' here for like ten minutes!" Dean scowled at the impatient remarks coming from Hank's special pal. Ever since the two of them had started getting 'frisky', Dermott had been treating Dean like his personal property. It was as if dating his brother made Dean fair game to pick on more than usual.

"Aww, lay off, dude." Hank said, putting a hand affectionately on Dermott's shoulder. "It was only five minutes anyway." Dermott's expression softened at Hank's touch. "Psh…whatever. C'mon man, let's go."

"Uhhh…A-Actually I was thinking I'd go back home for a bit." Dean piped up, clutching his plastic shopping bag to his chest.

"Aww dude! Why?" Hank whined. "The new Batman movie opens tonight! You said you were gonna go! Plus, I gotta stop by Dermott's place so he can change." Dermott grinned smugly. "I'm gonna be the Joker. Heath Ledger style." Hank laughed quietly, a tinge of irritation prickling the happy sound. Dean knew why. Caesar Romero was Hank's favorite live-action Joker adaptation. He always said Heath played him too 'dark'.

"I'm sorry, Hank. I just…uhhh… I've just got to catch up with some experiments. Bunson burners left on…that kinda stuff."

Hank rolled his eyes again. "Fine. Ditch us again, why don't ya. Big whoop. Have fun doing yer science…" He took Dermott by the arm and the pair walked away again. Leaving Dean alone. Finally.

The door to his room was closed and locked. Nobody could come in while he was doing this experiment. Not even pop. Not a soul. The plastic cap slipped off easily, revealing the jewel inside. The silicon skin felt sticky as he pressed a slender finger against it. The material bounced back elastically and settled into place once more. Dean extended his finger again and touched it a second time, trying to get a feel for what the real thing might be like. Certainly not as 'lukewarm', that's for sure.

Dean brought the flashlight-looking object up to his eyes, examining it. It looked anatomically correct enough, according to his biology books. Everything seemed to be in it's proper place. Ok, now let's get down to business shall we?

Dean sat on his bed, clutching the flesh light in front of him. If he was ever going to get a girlfriend, he had to learn how to do this right. Dean closed his eyes and ran a finger against the soft, rubbery flesh. He ran his thumb against the silicon lips and dipped it inside. Of course this wasn't going to be an accurate simulation of the female sexual apparatus, but it was certainly close enough. Dean, continued to rub at the different protrusions coming from the fleshy surface, identifying each one and comparing it to his books. The labia majora, the labia minora, the meatus, the vaginal opening, and lastly…

Dean let his thumb linger on this one portion of the anatomy. This was it. This was the part that made girls the happiest. This is what he had to tackle. He rubbed gentle circles around it with his thumb, trying to imagine what that might feel like.

He opened his eyes and stared at the sex toy again. This was for practice, Dean. Experimentation. Research. Don't get any ideas.

Dean wracked his brain, thinking of all the articles he read, all the magazine clippings from Cosmo he collected. What did girls like? What should he practice? Suddenly it hit him. That was the thing he should try. That one, kinda scary thing.

Dean looked back down at the flesh light and his breathing hitched slightly. He was gonna give it a try.

Dean closed his eyes and brought the toy to his lips, trying to remember as many details from 'Ten Tips to Please Your Woman' as he possibly could. He stuck out his tongue tentatively and gave the silicone sex a tiny lick. Hmmm…that wasn't so bad. It felt a little ooky, but that seemed to be normal. He pressed his lips against the labia and licked again, this time with a little more enthusiasm. Yeah, he could get to like this. It was just like kissing.

Dean pressed the body of the flesh light to his mouth as his tongue fluttered against the synthetic material. He wrapped his lips around the false and functionless clitoris and gave it a gentle suck. His face was flushed and he began to feel a 'tee-pee' growing in his pants.

"Mmmhh…" Dean moaned in spite of himself as he ran his tongue around the inside of the toy, tasting the bland rubber skin. He wished it would warm up faster. This all felt a little strange. He pressed his tongue against the clitoris again and changed his licking pace. He would start slow and practice building speed like the articles told him to do. He wrote the alphabet, did figure eights, and just flicked his tongue back and forth like a motorboat engine. Oh, if only he were with a real woman right now. If only he were between Triana's legs. Maybe then she'd really like him.

Dean sucked and licked at the silicone toy, his tongue and lips acting with an intensity only fueled by fantasy and lust. He was sure that this would make Triana want to hang out with him. I mean, all the magazines said girls loved this sort of stuff.

His erection has begun to strain against his pants. It was getting a bit painful so he released it into the warm air of the bedroom. He began to stroke himself as he ravaged the synthetic lips of the flesh light. With every lick, he imagined Triana shuddering beneath him. How he wanted that to be real. How he wanted it to happen right now. He began to rub himself more vigorously at the thought as he ate out the rubber sex organ. This must be what it felt like. Sex. This must be it.

Dean's face was a bright red now and he could feel the climax building in his belly. "Oh god…" He mumbled into the soft, synthetic flesh. "T-Triana…."

Dean screwed up his face as he climaxed; shaking a little as the ejaculate dribbled onto his knuckles. He pulled back from the 'light', a string of saliva still connecting his mouth to the silicone mold. He licked his lips, breaking the strand, before clutching the toy again at his waist. He wasn't sure what other guys would use this thing for. Maybe prank gifs? Maybe they'd scare each other with it by hiding it around the house like probably did with those big colorful penises he saw at the novelty shop. Either way, he's glad he found this use for the little flashlight-shaped gadget. He entwined his long fingers around the plastic tube of the toy and sighed. Maybe after a few more rounds, Triana would like him again


End file.
